Wedding Wednesday: I don't know what I want

OK. I do know what I want. I will get to that.

Since getting engaged two weeks ago, we've made major strides on wedding planning. Part of it is the pressure from everyone ("when's the wedding!"), part of it is timing with our schedules. We are looking at August 2014 or else not until May 2015. The reasoning is this: I have three classes to finish my undergrad degree (!!!) during the Fall 2014 semester. I will likely have weekend classes every other weekend. THEN I graduate in December 2014. It just seems like too much to do at once. So, that's the reason for August. The reasoning for May 2015 is because John would love to get married in May with lilacs. That's what he told me. Isn't that cute? His grandma Clara got married May 15, 1941 after being engaged only four days and had tons of lilacs.

Here is what we know

• John and I are paying for the wedding ourselves 
• I am not very close with my family, but have a lot of friends I want to be a part of our big day 
• John has a big extended family, and they are mostly all super fun
• We do not put wedding photography on a high priority - we would like someone for 3 - 4 hours on the wedding day

The way I see it, we have two options. Since I love lists, I'm going to make a pro/con list for each. 

Option 1: Medium sized (175 or less) wedding 

Pros

We can gather all our friends and family at once 

With the venue we are looking at, I have catering and desserts taken care of at a steep discount 

We are in love with the venue - John loves history, I love beautiful buildings 

I get to wear a beautiful dress and have a few bridesmaids 

Ceremony and reception are in the same place 

I have a DJ friend that I can possibly enlist to man the tunes 

Cons

I will have to outfit my mother and two brothers, which will easily cost over $500

I don't know who to have walk me down the aisle, since I'm fatherless

Do I invite my dad to the wedding? We are Facebook friends, after all

It might cost more than the other option 

Have to enlist people to help clean up after the reception - I don't want to inconvenience anyone

John's parents AND my grandma think we should not spend $$ a wedding (dumb, right?)

Option 2: Destination/elope 

Pros

Could possibly get away with not having my mom and brothers there. While a sad thought, I simply cannot afford to fly them or bring them with if we did it somewhere not near

We can tie a honeymoon in to our wedding 

A smaller group of people (friends) would be invited to attend 

Might be less expensive than the other option

Grandma and John's parents think we should do this

Cons

If people we want there cannot afford to come, we wouldn't want to leave people out 

It is a big thing to ask your close your friends to drop possibly thousands of dollars for your wedding

John doesn't want to go to Mexico, so we'd need to find some other place  

What about these:

Option 3: TEENY ceremony, no reception (just a casual dinner with my grandma and John's parents) 

-Take all the $$ we'd spend on the wedding and buy all the things I'd get from wedding showers and gifts 

Option 4: Small ceremony, big reception. 

The reception is what costs $$, so this really isn't an option. 

So these are the things that are running through my head most of the time lately. It is very overwhelming. However, if I had my way (and guess what! I do have my way!), I'd do the first option. I can see it and feel it now. I dream about it, I think about it. I want it. 

My only immediate concern is that we need to find a different date than the one we originally have saved with the venue. John's brother and sister in law (and 3 nieces and nephew) live in North Dakota and if we did the original day we want, the 3 girls would have to miss their first two days of school and I do not want to make them do that! 

I will tell you that we are THIS close to putting a deposit down on the venue but are justing waiting on confirmation from John's sister in law about when the kids start school. 

And that is just another day in the life of a gal trying to plan her wedding.