Pregnancy after loss

I mentioned in a previous post that I had a miscarriage right before this pregnancy. Experiencing a loss, no matter if it's at 6 weeks or 38 weeks, is devastating. From the moment the stick you pee on has two lines, your life has changed. You, your partner, your family and friends who you've told, are experiencing that loss with you. 

After the physical part of the miscarriage was over, I was ready to take control of my body and get in prime shape for being pregnant. Before the pregnancy, I didn't "want" to get pregnant for another year or so. After the loss, it changed my outlook. Being pregnant for even a short time made it so real, and made me and John as ready as we could be. But, I still wanted to hold off. Your body needs time to heal after what it's been through and I could stand to lose some weight and get my life in order before giving birth.

But, two and half months after the emergency room doctor told me I was miscarrying, I got those two little lines again. I was shocked and in pure disbelief. Once I learned I was, in fact, pregnant, I think I was more anxious than I ever was in the other pregnancy. 

Pregnancy is an anxiety-causing thing. At least for anyone I've talked to. You find out around 6 - 8 weeks and can't tell anyone until you've hit at least 12 weeks. Then you only see a doctor once a month and the rule of thumb is, everything is fine until you see blood. I swear, up until week 12-13, every time I went to the bathroom I was expecting to see blood. Sorry, TMI, but imagine that? 5+ times per day, the constant thought of, "is something going to happen?" It can wreak havoc on anyone, and then if you share your thoughts with your spouse, they may or may not be able to help you. John experienced the miscarriage and subsequent pregnancy in a very different way than I do. He has a very positive outlook on life and when we found out we were pregnant again, he knew everything would be ok (he says). 

Even now, at almost 20 weeks, halfway through this pregnancy, things can go wrong. I won't list all the things that can go wrong, but a lot can. And, once the baby comes, things can go wrong. Pregnancy isn't the only thing that causes anxiety - it's childbirth, it's having an infant, and being a parent. 

Being pregnant is a blessing. Being pregnant after experiencing a loss, or experiencing challenges in becoming pregnant, is even more of a blessing. Here are some tips that helped me through those first few months of my pregnancy after a loss. 

1. Stay away from the internet - As easy as Google is, it's also kind of killer. Your body is going through a lot of changes and you are going to be in tune with every new twitch, cramp, and feeling you have. Hopefully, you've found an OB or midwife you feel comfortable with. You should feel confident that you can call them at any time with any question - as silly as it may seem.  

2. Lean on your support - If you have friends, family, or a partner you trust, confide in them. For me, John and one of my girlfriends were a support for me. Remember, your partner is going through this too. They may not feel as connected to your little baby as you do, but they've still got hopes and dreams for their child. 

3. Take it one day at a time - This is so cliche, but it's true. It's so easy to think about things you need to do in order to prepare for baby. But the truth is, you've got 9 months to prepare. That's a long time! Personally, I didn't buy any baby things or accept hand me downs until after 16 weeks - no reason in particular, just what I felt comfortable with. Even now, at 20 weeks, I've still got just a small box of hand me down clothes (I have only bought like 3 things). Granted, we're in the middle of a move, but you have time! I hope to have everything ready for baby by the beginning of December, and baby is due December 24. Lord willing, when we bring baby home, it will have a nice little place to rest its head. But, back to the subject, I tried to take things in 4-week increments since that's how your pregnancy is measured to your care providers. 

4. Don't compare yourself to others - once I hit 13 weeks, I joined in on the discussion boards on thebump.com, and from there found a Facebook group of women due in the same month as me. There are about 300 members from all over the world! It's such a great resource. At the same time, women who are as far along as I am posting photos of their perfect bump, and I'm over here with my ice cream belly. It's easy to compare yourself to others - but remember this journey is unique to you and you alone. Just because Susie is 16 weeks, has baby's nursery done, the daycare picked out and paid for and names picked out, doesn't mean you're inadequate.